Money And Marriage Problems Can Cause Irreparable Damage To Your Relationship
The fact that money and marriage problems are the second leading cause of divorce is not to be taken lightly. This is an area you and your spouse need to enter into with your eyes wide open! You should know up-front who's going to be responsible for paying the bills, if you will have a joint bank account, how often you will sit down to discuss the family finances, etc. If you and your spouse both work and contribute money to the household, this is doubly important. If neither of you wants to contribute 100% of your income towards a joint financial arrangement, you should decide how much of your individual incomes will be earmarked for the household. Ideally, you will still want to meet regularly to make sure the household obligations are being met. One cause of money and marriage problems is when one spouse has a hidden financial agenda. It's amazing to me how you're willing to share everything else in life...except your money. You know, money itself is neutral. Any perceived power it has is given to it by its possessor. Think about your marriage. You're willing to give yourself wholly to your spouse in every area...physically, spiritually, mentally...except financially.
You Equate A Joint Financial Arrangement With Losing Control
Why is that? Because you don't want your spouse to have control over your money. Which, in your mind, translates to having control over you.Never mind the fact that your spouse is freely giving all of their income to meet your money and marriage needs. No, you don't consider that. You experience a real sense of loss when it comes to wholly dedicating your income to a joint financial arrangement. Why view it as a sense of loss? It's really a financial gain for both of you. Instead of having access to one income, you now have access to two. That means you can now reach your joint financial goals twice as fast. Why would you think your spouse would take advantage of you? Your spouse is just as vulnerable as you are when it comes to your finances. You could just as easily take advantage of them. But I know what you're really thinking. You're thinking, "I don't want to have to ask my spouse for permission when I want to spend money. If I want a new car or a new flat-screen TV, I just want to go get it. I work hard for my money!" Money and marriage is not about you taking on the status of a child in your relationship. No, it's about you and your spouse putting the interests of your marriage before your individual interests...financial interests, that is.
You now have financial obligations together...mortgage(s), insurance(s), car payment(s), your kids' activity fees, daycare, etc. You can't just focus on you any longer. You have to make sure the family's taken care of before you can enjoy the luxuries you didn't think twice about when you were single. When you have the attitude of "my money" within the context of your marriage, you have a problem. Especially when your spouse is giving 100%. Now, if you and your spouse have talked about your money and marriage and you're both okay with the status quo, then all is well. But if your spouse is giving 100% and you're giving 25% to 75% AND your spouse has concerns, you need to examine yourself...evaluate your feelings about your spouse and money. Your actions will cause distrust in your spouse. If your spouse talks to you and you still refuse to change, that trust continues to erode away. You'll find yourself arguing over your money and marriage issues more and more. That financial tension will spill over into other areas of your relationship. Now you're not together on anything anymore...you both have separate bank accounts, are doing your own things financially and socially. You're not a team anymore...all because of money?
Financial Transparency Is Key
Come on, get yourselves together! As I said, if you both decided initially that you were going to maintain separate bank accounts then this is no big deal to you. But if your actions are a deviation from your initial money and marriage plans, what happened?Why didn't you simply talk to your spouse when your attitude was changing? If you're going to be one in this marriage, it has to be 100% across the board...spiritual, physical, financial, mental, social, etc. You can't be gung ho about totally dedicating yourself to your spouse in every area...except your money. As I said earlier, come on! Money and marriage is one area where you need to be transparent...no lies, no fraud, no hidden agendas. Problems here can ruin your marriage. You need to treat your finances with respect and operate in integrity. That's why it's so important for you to sit down as a couple and discuss your financial health. Reassess your plan for dealing with financial setbacks, tweak your plans if needed. Most marriages will experience financial troubles. It's how you deal with those money and marriage issues that matter most. The next marriage issue we'll deal with, which shouldn't be an issue at all, is marital commitment. Return from Money And Marriage to Marriage Issues
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Yes, when you were single, you could spend until you were broke if you wanted to...there was only you to think about. But it can't be that way when dealing with your money and marriage.