Marital Deception vs. Honesty: Which One Will You Choose?
Trust me, I know from experience. What can you do? Own up to it, admit your guilt, sincerely apologize, let the storm blow over. Can your relationship recover from it? Sure, if you want it to. You WILL have to reap the consequences from your actions, but you knew that when you began the marital deception. The severity of the consequences depends on the severity of the deceit...what was involved. Every one's reaction is different...some people flip out over the slightest untruth, and some people are more tolerant of what they see as 'minor' indiscretions. However, one thing is for sure...you can't have double standards. A wrong is a wrong is a wrong...there are no gray areas. It can't be wrong for one spouse and okay for the other.
Now, I'm a firm believer in being honest with each other. But I'm not perfect...I have both lied to my husband and been lied to by my husband.But each time you choose marital deception, you erode your spouse's trust in you. If you can't trust your spouse, you really don't have much of a relationship. Contrary to what some people think, it takes more than love to have a successful marriage. You may be more willing to overlook your spouse's lying about the small things. Just be mindful that a negative behavioral pattern might lurk just beneath the surface in your spouse...a readiness to operate more and more in marital deception instead of operating in honesty. Now you have a problem on your hands. What do you do about it? If you know your spouse is consistently lying to you, confront them with the truth. You must hold them accountable for their actions...and you must let them know there are consequences for their behavior. But if you've been guilty of the same thing or something similar, tried to justify your actions, didn't really think you did anything wrong and only apologized because you felt cornered...you don't have a right to blow up at your spouse. Do Unto Your Spouse As You Want Them To Do Unto You
Now, I'm not advocating setting out to get even with your spouse. When you set out to get even, you're only asking for disaster...and that's usually what you get.And I'm not saying to keep bringing up things from the past, either. If those issues have been properly worked through and forgiven...truly forgiven...they should be left in the past. But sometimes one spouse...through marital deception...can actually set a precedent for the other spouse to follow. For example, let's say you have a rule in your house...no matter what's going on, you and your spouse have agreed you won't hang up on each other. One day, during a heated exchange, you hang up. When the storm ensues, you try to give all kinds of excuses as to why you were justified in hanging up, none of which your spouse accepts. But you don't think you did anything wrong, and you state the rule was silly to begin with...of course, under the right circumstances, you should be able to 'respectfully' hang up on each other. So, after a while, the storm blows over. Later, you experience another disagreement and your spouse hangs up...blam!
You can't blow up now...YOU set the precedent! Your spouse is simply following your lead. Now, the two of you are hanging up on each other all the time...that's just wrong. This is an oversimplified example, I know, but you get the picture. If you're wrong and have not been truthful, acknowledge that fact. Sincerely apologize, allow your spouse a chance to get over their anger and establish trust again.Almost anything can be forgiven...if you want to forgive. Put away the marital deception, all forms of it. Show your mate you're sincere, and you'll have a happy home again...not overnight, but it will be happy again. Now let's take a look at the number two cause of divorce, money and marriage.
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